Weakness ≠ Identity
I can’t…
He can…
Maybe I should let Him.
Episode 2 - Weakness ≠ Identity
Description: Christi shares her experience about when she discovered she was co-dependent. While processing her own shame she realized our coping strategies do not define our identity. Since we cannot recover from our coping strategies on our own, there needs to be a shift of where our focus goes and recognize who actually has the power to overcome our weakness. Be sure to visit our website lovinginnerpeace.com and consider how we can help you experience more inner peace.
I am not my Savior
Yep, we’re sisters. I don’t know if codependency is a genetic inheritance or a learned behavior, but apparently we both have the same coping skill.
I first discovered my codependency in a college class right out of high school. I remember writing a long letter to my mom, explaining the discomfort I felt learning about psychological mental disorders and recognizing I fit the bill all too closely.
But fortunately, I have a short memory, and soon forgot about identifying myself as under par. Not that I would know what to do about it anyway.
The next time it hit me hard was years later when I realized how my inability to create and enforce healthy boundaries had really created some handicaps for my children’s development, even into adulthood. This was way worse than not being “healthy” or “psychologically normal” myself. This was damaging another human being’s chance at a happy life.
I was so discouraged that what I thought was Christ-like behavior that came naturally was an advertisement of my weakness. I mean, I knew I had freckles all over my face but I wasn’t aware that, like a constellation, they spelled the word “victim” on my forehead.
This time I was going to take the bull by the horns and really change things up. I took on a serious study of boundaries. All cards were on the table and I wasn’t going to be taken advantage of or enable another person again, period.
But, you can guess how being my own savior turned out to be. Not only was I not strong enough to carry out my good intentions, I didn’t have the skills or knowledge to recognize when it was happening. My internal programming didn’t send up red flags. And on top of that, the Lord told me to stop pursuing some of the paths I was going down. Which put an end to it right there.
And so, like a recovering alcoholic, now I recognize I have codependency tendencies. Sometimes I win, by using kind but firm boundaries. Sometimes I relapse and slip into old patterns.
But this time, I am including my Savior in the equation. It isn’t an all or nothing. It’s a line upon line over time becoming. By recognizing that the other person in my relationships (usually the abuser or controller) is also a child of God who is needing His help every bit as much as I do, I am more charitable and forgiving. But by also recognizing that it is a dis-service to them to not speak up and interrupt where their weak/wrong programming was going, I love my neighbor by loving myself. Both angles develop my Christ like qualities now.
One of my favorite phrases is Jesus can make right what seems to go wrong. My co-dependency, or in other words, my weakness, seemed to be an inadequacy or inferior asset. But it is the very tool He is using to make things right. And making right is becoming like Him.
We are promised that our weakness will become our strength. I’ve always thought that meant we would improve and strengthen that which we are weak at until we are good enough for it to be considered a strength. Then I thought it was more of my weakness requires me to rely on HIS strength - which is the only true strength in the equation. Now I’m considering if my weakness is the means or the tool in which Heavenly Father uses to make us strong by becoming more.
Codependency (one of my many weaknesses) is not my identity.
Becoming like Christ IS.
Be sure to download or click the audio player above to listen about Christi’s journey in identifying her own weakness and how she began allowing strength to win the day.
Blog written by Sandy Osburn