My Vulnerability Magnet
TO DETERMINE WHICH RELATIONSHIPS DESERVE YOUR ENERGY
Episode 1 - My Vulnerability Magnet
Christi begins her podcasting journey by sharing what she has learned about her vulnerability magnet and how it works as a shortcut in determining relationship efforts. By being completely open in her episodes, followers of Christ who are seeking authenticity are attracted to/not repelled by her honest disclosures. Her less-than-ideal life’s experiences has caused her to rely deeply on Christ and empowered her to share what she has gained in a dynamic and “vulnerable” manner. Be sure to subscribe to catch all the inspiring insights she has gained over the years.
Being Vulnerable Backfired for Me…
or did it?
It’s been years since I learned the value of being vulnerable. I mean, I have always valued being completely honest (that is, ever since I entered adulthood. High school years don’t really count, do they?), but when Brene’ Brown was publishing her findings about the necessity of being vulnerable, it really resonated with me and was easy to embrace.
However… not so long ago, I went from being employed at less-than-ideal odd jobs to what I thought was my dream job. It was the perfect environment, doing exactly what I was wanting to do and it came from out of the blue – so I thought it was an answer to prayers. The learning curve, however, was proving to be a bit of a challenge for me and I found myself quite impatient and frustrated with myself for not grasping on faster. And I sensed my co-workers were struggling with my inadequacies as well.
At about 5 months into the job, it was my turn to lead the team building activity. The ones I had attended previously were, well, pretty lame in my opinion. There was obligatory participation from my fellow co-workers, which felt more like drudgery. The activities themselves felt shallow and less than effective at connecting the team members and more like an involuntary submission.
So when it was my turn, I thought I’d apply the power of vulnerability by really opening my heart and sharing my innermost goings on regarding my entering “the team”.
It started okay, I guess. I talked about how some recent events that happened at work was affecting me personally and because of it, wanted to improve my relationship with the team. I shared how the challenges I was experiencing at learning how to effectively do what was expected of me was so personally difficult and apologized for letting the team down. I shared how my inadequacies resulted in an immature cover up (on my part). And then my journey of overcoming those petty opinions about each team member, using alliterations of their names (thinking it would be a cute way to illustrate where I was mentally at that moment). I concluded with how I was learning to love and appreciate them and trusting in their ultimate goodness. I really thought I was becoming united with them and allowed them to glimpse into my inner journey.
I suppose this would be a good time to include that although I was being open, honest, and vulnerable – I was also battling a HUGE amount of inner fear. Regardless, I trudged through with my plan to knit our hearts together. Fear was not going to stop me from doing what I thought was a good thing.
The result…
Well, because I was so nervous about what I was sharing, I neglected to mention a very pivotal part in my journey. I omitted my recognition of and apology for my pettiness.
And those alliterations of their names (which I thought were so cute), without the turning point and apology, were interpreted as personal assaults on each team member.
Once I became aware that I hadn’t included my apology, I went to each team member privately, informed them of what I meant to say, and apologized profusely for my mistake and any offense it may have caused – because it really was not my intent. My manager seemed to accept my apology and I could see his heart soften a little. One team member absolutely refused to even listen to my apology (still to this day). One accepted my apology and took it as an opportunity to chastise me. Another as an opportunity to encourage me to be more careful. I felt she truly had benefited from my oof-pah and was lovingly inviting me to be cautious with the use of names.
Regardless of my efforts to amend my wrong, it was decided that the damage was done and it was putting a rift in our ability to work together. So I was asked to resign.
So much for my dream job.
And so much for the benefits of being vulnerable.
After listening to Christi Lee’s term of ‘vulnerability magnet’ in this podcast, I began to realize my “dream job” may not have been as dreamy as I first thought. If my being authentic was so repelling and they were unwilling to forgive me for my honest mistake – it sounds more like a nightmare job.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not deflecting the blame by not being accountable for my part in the problem. I confess I was utterly and completely at fault for my pettiness, my poor judgement, and my poor presentation. But, if I cannot be safe enough to make an innocent error, then it’s a false “dream” environment.
Being vulnerable helped me to see what I couldn’t have seen without it. That shortcut may have caused me to lose my job, but I gained insights into what I really want in a job and in my relationships. Forgiveness, reconciliation, and 2nd chances – to name a few.
If I had continued on with the surface level interactions, maybe eventually I would have developed some type of genuine relationship with the team members. But it is more likely that at the core, the relationships would always be weak and have a certain element of risk. The vulnerability magnet helped to identify that in a shorter period of time without expending that much energy.
There have been a LOT of life’s lessons I’ve learned, and am still learning, from this experience. And I confess I’ve felt tempted to put up an emotional wall in order to keep myself safe. Somehow, that doesn’t feel right either. Being vulnerable and real was, and is, the way to genuine relationships. It’s like an open ended invitation. But only those who are at a place of wanting authenticity in their relationships can seem to handle that type of invitation.
Be sure to download or click on the audio player above to listen what Christi shares about being vulnerable and real.
-Blog written by Sandy Osburn